Saturday, April 2, 2005
Hi! I'm a graduate of elementary now! Yeah, the diploma's real...no it's not fake xD I'm staring at it now and it still hasn't disappeared nor ripped itself up to shreds. x3
I feel so...excited going to high school~ if my couz or my other friends are not in my section, I am *SO* going to ask for a transfer! I don't know if I can survive school without them! <3
well, there's the pathetic shortness of it all! see ya! ^^
Monday, March 28, 2005
Ei dudes. =3 no I am not dead, obviously. ^^;; I just got plain ol' lazy and well...updating seemed like such a chore. ^^ Just a few more days until graduation...then I'm going to go to the high school building with my friends and my couz~ whom I love very much, but sometimes it gets me wondering...
...why the hell does bunny hug her the way she does?
Sometimes, when I see my couz come into the room, I say hi as usual, but bunny goes up to her and hugs her. Like she were pointing out to me, "I can hug her and you can't! haha."
I can't tell you how much that hurts. I don't hug my couz because I know it makes her uncomfortable, so I just leave it be. I'm not that clingy. I think I still am sometimes and I think I still will be, unless I try to change it (and I am...I think x3)
But I don't want to prove anything to anyone. I just get so annoyed by her. bunny. evil.
It's like she was clearly pointing out, "I can hug your couzin and you can't. And you two are supposed to be close! Haha!"
...I didn't go near my couz for some time before, because I thought that she & bunny were best friends. They seemed to be, and they didn't seem to need or want me around.
But now?
I think things are starting to turn out better. I understand my couz a bit better, and I hope she understands a bit of me, too. =3 All I can say is, now I have the courage to say no to bunny for some reason. ^-^ Maybe now that I know that most of our friends have the same feelings about her as I do, I feel stronger against her now. ^^;; or maybe I'm just tired 'cause I went to bicol and back for holy week x3 in any case, later people ^^
~ Kaiyu
Tuesday, February 8, 2005
wah!!!!!! >.< I'm obsessed with this guy I met online (and I already met him offline) his name's _ _ _ _...=3 Im obsessed with the guy. x_X everything I *do*, *say*, even when I listen to music or play ragna I think about him. >.< It might be a crush, but I dunno. I really like the guy ^^
= Kaiyu =
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Don't get me wrong. I like my friends. I love them (as friends...sheesh) in fact. But there are times when I just want to be noticed, is all.
Everyone knows me, I'm the quiet type that just sits in the corner, writing in her notebook, or drawing (which is CRAP by the way) in a notebook/sketchpad/whatever or just showing off a folder full of yaoi contents (both in art and literary form x3). The only reason I get noticed, is either I wasn't listening, I got in trouble or because the Mirror's out. That and with a teacher of ours constantly teasing students xD.
Anyway.
Take this, it was hele time, and as usual, my three friends (and couz) came up and sat down. I started to sew, then when I occasionally look at them, they're laughing, smiling...then I see my couz and raccoon friend (whom I admire) whisper something, then to bunny. I wanted to ask, but it wasn't any of my business...
I hate it when they do that.
Keeping something from me is ok, but doing it when I obviously am watching? Hello?! It screams 'We know something you don't know' right in my face! It's rude.
Call me sensitive all you want, fuck you. I'm made like this, and I can't do anything about it. Even if I did, I'd be lying to myself. I don't want to do that.
It made me glad when I started hanging out with my other friend. She was a new girl, and very kind. Although she assosiated with the popular peeps (who aren't too bad...) she was still a close friend. Someone I could turn to whenever I needed to. Since my so-called friends were getting mad at me like they had PMS or something, I didn't know what to do. I mean, I say sorry but then they just say, "No comment."?!
What the frick?!
Bunny also said that she couldn't talk to me until my couz talked to me.
My couz used to talk to me about any and everything, before you even met her, fucker.
Yes I am pissed off got a problem with that?! Just 'cause I'm nice doesn't mean I'm a doormat. When I show signs that yes I can fight back and I will, they get mad at me? What the hell?
But I'm sad.
I miss my couz and my raccoon friend and my panda friend. I need them. They are parts of my heart. Even bunny.
But even if we are starting this so-called "ditching", everything was turning bad for me anyway. I want to prove that I can get better grades now. I owe that to my gentle, nice friend. Thanks...I need a friend like you right now.
Thank you.
Kazuki-sama...what would you do? I love you...so much...I want to be with you...u_u yes I am crazy ^_^
::... Kaiyu ...::
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Everything I've ever known, lay with them.
Erase that.
With
her. and
her. and the one I admired the most.
her. and until now I still admire her. That will never change.
I don't know why, but whenever I think of them, and
her., I keep on getting these thoughts that I never belonged with them.
You deserve to live and die alone. You useless, weak bit**.
All the while, I kept that to myself. But whenever they would talk, I'd always be left out of the conversation. As if they only used me.
I don't understand. If you use me, then why do you get angry? I don't understand.
When we went to the counselor's, Eya informed me that they were going to ditch me. Which was just fine, I said that I was gonna ditch them if they ditched me.
Then she runs to the classroom and tells pat and pai that I was going to ditch them? What the fuck?
I hate you.
I hate you.
What did I do to make you do that, eya?
What?
I'm tired of people keeping secrets from me.
I'm tired of people talking about me, in front of me.
You don't know how much that hurts, do you.
Go on and live your life, Eya.
I just know one thing.
I don't like you.
You got my cousin. My best friend.
I. hate. you.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
This is the face I make everyday. ^_^;;....^^;;...xDDD...yeah. All of them are happy faces. <3 <--see? even when I feel like: -_-;;...-.-;;...T-T...or..>:<...I still manage to do this. ^_^
God I am so pathetic. I feel like I need someone to save me, because I'm too busy saving other people. My cousin is ranting about her crush and so and so, xDDD, and even though it is a sweet and normal gesture, whenever she starts beating herself up, that's when I get angry.
Not really angry as in I shout at her, but angry like...^.^;;...the kind that covers it up with a smile.
Nobody can tell what I'm thinking...well, my friends do. x3 They all think I'm thinking of sweet happy stuff, all honey and sap. >.< That's when they're wrong...>>;; but then, it's not really *their* fault. I guess it's mine because I only show when I'm sad on rare intervals, and when I'm angry I plain ignore them.
I love the fact that my cousin knows I'll be there for her if she needs me, but I kind of feel like the kind of person people come to with problems. Other than that, when they're happy, they don't acknowledge my existance. =( It's kinda sad, really.
Nobody knows that I really need someone. Well, my friends do since they know I love only one person (*stares at Kazuki*), and even though they think he's gay (...once again, if you refer to him as homosexual I will KILL you...okie? ^_^), they respect him because I love him. And that's nice. I mean, another friend of mine loves someone that isn't real too, and we have no prob with it.
It's nice when a friend hugs you when she sees you need it.
In Grade 5, my 2 best-est friends (M and N x333) and I were always together. Sure, we had other friends, but they introduced me to their friends, but we still hung out with each other. Now, since we're not classmates anymore, we still give each other gifts...although we're now growing apart.
It was nice, the two of them and me. It was like, whenever one of us looked sad, we'd hug her and she'd tell us everything. We shared happiness, pain, joy and sadness with each other, even when we were separately humiliated in class!
My clique this year, in Grade 7, we don't hug. The closest I get to my cousin {who is also my best friend *hugs*} is when I lean on her shoulder for three seconds. She isn't really a touchy-feely type of person, and I am. >>;; when my old friends saw me, they'd literally hug me from behind. I loved that feeling, feeling that someone needed you. We treated each other like sisters...=) I miss them.
But I love my new friends, too. XD we even made separate websites for our barkada. =x! my friends rock, and I don't mind admitting it! Although we share similar-yet-different interests, at times we find ourselves fighting over guys who aren't even real, and our other friend is saying, "babaw naman ninyo!" xD
= Kaiyu =
PS. BEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaa, we miss you! -_-
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
XDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love plushies. So cute, soft and squishy! X3 my friend promised he'd get me a Ryou plushie this summer when he came back from America, and one of my other friends promised she'd get me a Kazuki plushie *heartheart* I have such nice friends...
Even though I dun know if they're telling the truth, I'm keeping it quiet so that maybe they will give it to me! x333 so dun tell anyone, ok? ^^
Monday, December 20, 2004
Hehe. I finally did it! =3 I hope I did a good job...I know it's supposed to be Christmas-y, but who cares. =)) I love this season...so wonderful and giving gift-ies and all that. Plus, tomorrow,
SHE and the rest of my RL barkada are going to take care of her new puppy, Connor. =D
Christmas parties rock!!!!! Happy season and Christmas everyone!
Monday, December 20, 2004
Just a back-up blog, LOLZ...=) The link up there is where I got the layout, great layout-maker she is, btw. =3 I could actually *read* the layout! *gasps* xD LOLZ. Usually I have my diary
here but since it's down, I guess I'll blog here. =)
Pharoh Atem doesn't look too bad, ne? =p
=- Soft Plushie -=
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